iHave Girl Issues
by corybelle
Summary: [Future Fic] Freddie's son asks him for some girl advice. And finds out more than he bargined for. [TWO SHOT
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, but I do own Josh.**

**Author's note: This is a just a one, since I'm having brain freeze on my other two stories, so this will take my mind off of it. This fic takes place in the future, since I like future fics, thoughts and flash backs are in italics. So yeah on with the fic.**

_Stupid girls _Josh Benson thought as he walked into his house after a long day of school. The blond furiously threw his backpack on the ground. _What did I ever do to her_! He trudged into the living room, where his dad was working on his laptop. "Dad, can I ask you something?" Josh asked

"What?" Freddie answered only half paying attention to his son.

"I'm having some girl trouble, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice" Josh replied nervously

Freddie lifted his head up from his laptop "Sure, tell about the girl"

"It's _two _girls actually"

"Fine tell me about them"

"Ok the first one's name is Cam, and she's gorgeous" Josh began "She has long flowing red hair, emerald green eyes, she always smell like strawberries, she has freckles across the bridge of her nose, and when she laughs she crinkles it."

"And you think she's flawless?" He asked

"Yep she can even tap dance!"

"Does she like you?"

"Yes….well no"

"Aw, well I had a similar problem when I was your age"

"Really?!"

"Yeah"

"Would you mind telling me about her"

"Sure, her name was Carly and she was my definition of perfect. She had wavy dark hair, deep brown eyes, an angel face. She was sweet, caring, and classy, the complete opposite of her best friend."

"She sounds great, did you ever go out with her?"

"Um…no"

"Why not, you joke about a 'ladies man back in the day'"

"Yeah but I liked Carly way back in the day. I was kinda stalkerish toward her back then"

"Did she give you a restraining order?!" Josh asked with excitement.

"No, I didn't get restraining order"

"Oh" Josh said disappointedly

"Why do you want me to have a restraining order?"

"Because it would be cool, I can go 'Oh yeah well my dad has a restraining order, what now?!'"

"I see"

"Anyway tell me how you were a stalker"

"Well…."

"_Freddie, can ask you something?" Carly asked as she sat looking at the iCarly website on her laptop._

"_Sure what?" He replied as he put his camera down_

"_Why did you photoshop me and your 'future children' and put them on your blog"_

_Because I well…um..well… inquiring minds wanted to know." He stammered out_

"You photshoped what you thought your kids would look like?" Josh said alittle weirded out

"Yes, I had a lot of time on my hands when I was thirteen"

"Did they look anything like me"

"Well let's see your blond, and blue eyed, I have brown hair and brown eyes, Carly also had that eye/hair combination. So yeah I so thought that one of my kids should be blond" Freddie said sarcastically

"Sheesh, you don't have to be so sarcastic. Anyway anything else obsessive you did?"

"Well I said I would push her crush down an elevator shaft, and I implied I'd kill her first husband"

"Dad you had serious problems"

"I know"

"So what happened with this Carly?"

"Well we're still friends, you've met her before. She lives in New York now I think. But we still talk on the phone sometimes"

"Oh so any advice for me and Cam?"

"Yeah don't stalk her"

"I knew that, it's common knowledge. I mean who wants to date their stalker?"

"I heard of one actor who did"

"Oh well, I think he may have lost his marbles"

"Maybe, but anyway I tell me about girl number two"

"Well she'll take longer, her name is Erica and I HATE her!" Josh exclaimed

**Author's note: I'm changing this to a two shot, since I decided it'll be a chapter for each girl, that and I don't have time to type it all tonight, since I have homework to finish. But I have the majority of the next part written so it'll be up sometime tomorrow. The next part will be longer, since there's more to talk about with girl two than with girl one. So R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

-1**Disclaimer: I own iCarly and there are **_**only**_** Thirty days in October **

**Authors note: Toldya I'd update today! I see you people, have some ideas on who Josh's mum is. Well you'll just have to read on to find out if you were right. This technically the last chapter but if you guys like it I shall continue. Oh and happy Slapsgiving to all tomorrow!**

"I HATE her! She's pure evil!" Josh exclaimed flailing his arms around.

"And why is she evil?" Freddie asked

" Cause, she always picks on me, insults me, bullies me. Name it and she's probably done it to me" Josh replied "Would you like me to give you an example"

"Sure,"

"Ok well…"

_Josh walked into fifth period language class, and sat down. A few minutes after, Cam sat down next to him. Of course since Cam was sitting there, her best friend joined her. This girl defiantly fit the description of pretty, with perfectly tan skin, shoulder length light brown hair with blonde highlights and a slight wave, and hazel eyes. But her personality didn't match, she was cruel, harsh, and devious. This girl who could glare so intensely with her eyes that you could feel daggers in the back of your neck. That girl, Erica Landers, made a career out of making Josh's life a living hell. Josh decided the longer he didn't talk to her, the longer it would postpone his torture._

"_So, Cam you look nice today" Josh complimented _

"_Really, thanks" Cam smiled sweetly "You look…."_

"_Like your closet threw up on you" Erica cut her off_

"_Thanks," He said sarcastically "Oh and I like your make-up today"_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah it makes you look perfect for the circus!"_

"_I'm sorry, I belong in the circus? I think you're getting me confused with you. Since if any one belongs in the circus, it's a freak like you!" _

"_So um did any one watch American Idol last night? I so think Evan's going home tonight" Cam broke in trying to stop their argument_

"Please it's so Regina who's going home tonight" Freddie joked

"Not the point of the story!"

"I know, I was only kidding, anyway I also had a similar problem"

"Really?"

"Yep, her name was Sam"

"That name sounds oddly familiar" Josh pondered for moment not able to place where he's heard the name before.

_It should sound familiar! Ugh this gonna take longer than I thought_ Freddie thought, shaking his head "Anyway, I hated her with a passion. And like how Erica is Cam's best friend, Sam was Carly's best friend"

"Go on"

" Oh she was the opposite of Carly! She was cruel, hurtful, obnoxious and _sooo _annoying. She even beat me up a few times"

"Haha you got beat up by a girl" Josh laughed then slowly stopped after he saw his dad glaring at him "I mean, so tell me more"

"Well we'd constantly argue even over the stupidest things, we could spend ten minutes together with out us fighting"

"So how did you handle her"

"Well at first I just let bug me, and make sarcastic comments back, but then I made a bet with her"

"A bet, what kind of bet?"

"I bet her that she couldn't last a week being nice to me"

"Did she last a week?"

"of course not" Freddie laughed

"What she cracked?"

"Not exactly……"

_It was the fourth day of the bet, and Sam had yet to lose. Sure it was hard, but as lazy a she was she would never give up at a bet. She couldn't lose, especially not to Freddie! While she almost given into the temptation of being mean, she's manage to be nice and keep her mouth shut. Oddly it was Freddie who was losing his sanity. He thought he should be happy that he's not being tortured, but no he actually felt more tortured that way. His day felt empty with out being set off the deep end because of one of Sam's remarks. _

_The three of them were sitting on the couch, discussing what to do for the next webcast, when he snapped. "Will you just insult me! Make fun my clothes, my dorkiness, my insane obsession with Carly, anything! Just start an argument with me please!" Freddie blurted out. Sam and Carly stared at him until Sam finnaly opened her mouth._

"_So you're telling me, you want me to insult you" Sam replied_

"_Yes, I'm begging you! For some strange reason, I need you to annoy me" he begged_

"_Well ok then" Sam said as she began to think of insults_

"Let me get this straight you hated her, you finally got what you wanted from her, and them _you_ want her to be mean" Josh asked confused

"The heart works in weird ways" Freddie replied "I like to argue, I find it fun to get into verbal sparing match"

"You're an odd person" Josh said "Anyway, what happened to that Sam girl?"

"Oh her, I married that girl" Freddie grinned

**Author's note: this chapter ended up worse than it sounded in my head. But eh I like this story. R&R please :**


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